Somewhere, I got lost.

So, I've dated a fair number of girls. Not an excessive number I think but a fair number none the less. Some of my friends call me a manwhore, this is obviously a statement I disagree with. I don't date girls for the sex which I believe is really the "Whore" part of my unfortunate title. I do jump around from relationship to relationship. With the exception of my freshman year of college (where I was obsessed with a girl from high school) I've been in relationships since my sophomore year of high school. With only a few months break between, and during those breaks I was still fixated on some girl or chasing someone or hooking up with someone.

As of two months ago, I broke up with my girlfriend. Shortly after this I made a promise to myself, basically saying that I will not date anyone until the end of the year. This isn't a terribly difficult goal to accomplish, I haven't grown any more attractive in my time of being single so it's not as though I'm fending off the girls with a stick. But it has had a rather interesting side effect.

Talking to people has always been one of my strong points. I can strike up a conversation with a stranger without much hesitation. I can tell a lot about people just by listening to them talk for a minute and know exactly how best to speak with them. It's been one of the more useful talents I've developed in life. Hell, it's actually led to me dating a fair number of the girls I've dated. But, after I've made this promise to myself...I find myself almost unable to talk to girls I am uninterested in. I get nervous and anxious when I see them. I can't help but smile like a fool and acting like one as well. It's like I'm back in middle school and I have a crush on the pretty red head. I wanna talk to her, and ask her out and all that stuff. Yet, my voice catches slightly. I come close to stuttering, I make stupid jokes.

I'm not sure exactly what this means...whether or not it will fade after this year ends. If it will just continue plaguing me and I am doomed to be a stuttering single fool for...who knows how long. But right now, i just feel lost.